When I was younger, like teenage young, I remember having an argument with my best friend because she was smoking pot at a party. Back then, I thought all drugs were essentially crack and you’d die from a bong hit. (I know, I know…that’s crazy talk but it’s what I thought.) I was by no means a “sweet little angel” as a teenager I just wasn’t into drugs or alcohol.
As far back as I can remember, anxiety has always been a part of my life I just didn’t know it was actually anxiety. Growing up I was diagnosed as bipolar and started on meds to treat it. The meds did not help. I was then diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and given a new set of meds to treat that. Again, it didn’t work so off those meds I went. My late teen years were pretty much an experiment in psychiatric meds with no real success.
In my early 20s, after loads of urging from my closest friends I started to explore different, more natural ways of managing my anxiety. One friend in particular convinced me to try cannabis. I was so against it, it was ridiculous. (Imagine me throwing a tantrum equivalent to a child not wanting to visit the dentist…it was THAT bad.) I did end up trying it and honestly did not love it. I didn’t have a bad trip or anything. I wasn’t paranoid. I was calm. And that feeling of peaceful calm was so unfamiliar to me it scared me.
I had become so used to living in a state of tension and worry that I didn’t know what to do when I had the chance to experience some relief. So I didn’t try cannabis again for a year. Then I had my very first panic attack. Everything changed after that. People that I knew and deeply trusted shared with me some of their experiences with anxiety and cannabis and I decided to give it another shot.
I’m so glad I did. There’s lots of reasons why I believe it helps me and maybe I’ll share in another post but here, right now, I just wanted to share the journey of how I became a “pot head.”
And the reason I felt called to share this part of me is because not sharing it began to felt icky. It’s like I was lying by omission. I found myself censoring my social posts and even withholding likes from certain content because “what if someone saw that I like a post about weed.” Completely ridiculous right?
As a mom, it was not an easy decision for me to share this part of my life. What if people say I am a bad mom? Or worse, what if someone called child protective services on me? Even though medicinal cannabis use has been allowed in California for some time, there’s still a huge stigma surrounding it and the parents using it. Recreational cannabis use is now legal here, too. Fingers crossed that it starts to become more normalized and widely accepted in the parenting community.
As a business owner, it was a tough decision for me to share this part of my life. What if I lost clients? What if all of a sudden my credibility went out the window because someone found out I smoked a little pot? Sure, it might sound extreme but those were serious things I had to think about.
Obviously, as you can tell by this post, I decided to go for it anyway. The truth is that I believe my use of cannabis as a medicinal treatment for my anxiety has helped me be a better mom, a more patient mom, a mom who isn’t paralyzed by anxiety and panic attacks. And in business, well, few things get me into the zone and out of my own head like one or two high-quality cannabis hits. So to my clients reading this….when you wonder how I get soooo much done in soooo little time- you can thank my “medicine” lol.
It probably is important to note that I don’t just smoke all day. There is a rhythm and routine to my madness. I’m not sitting at the dinner table casually hitting a joint while my littles eat dinner. I’m also not getting stoned out of my gourd before big business meetings. As with anything, there’s a balance. Cannabis is a tool that I use to keep my anxiety at bay so I can be taking action on the things I want to achieve in life. That’s what it all boils down to.
To all the marijuana mamas and stoner CEOs of the world, it is my hope that soon we don’t have to hide these parts of ourselves out of fear. That being a mom or an entrepreneur doesn’t mean we get looked down upon or have our morals, skill, and dedication questioned because we like to smoke a little weed.
Yay! I did it. And even as I am wrapping this post up, a small part of me says “Deanna, don’t post this you crazy woman.” And to that voice in my head, I say “Feel the fear, and do that shit anyway baby!”
Lots of love,